SUMMARY

Joshua Weissman and Chef Christian taste-test secret menu items and hacks at major U.S. fast food chains, rating them to determine if hidden options redeem disappointing experiences and crown the ultimate winner.

STATEMENTS

Joshua has eaten over 200 fast food items in the past year, mostly finding them disappointing across America.
Secret menus exist at some chains officially, while others are internet-created customizations.
The goal is to try every major fast food secret menu item to see if they improve upon standard offerings.
At Dave's Hot Chicken, the hack involves assembling fries, mac and cheese, cauliflower bites, pickles, and Dave's sauce instead of chicken.
The cauliflower bites provide crunch but the interior is unseasoned and overcooked, rating around 6.7 out of 10.
McDonald's Mc Gang Bang combines a spicy McChicken patty inside a McDouble's buns, criticized for excess bread and muddled flavors, rating about 5 out of 10.
Bojangles' viral Berry chicken biscuit hack substitutes American cheese for pimento due to availability, with icing inside and out, but cheese ruins it, rating above average but not great.
Jack in the Box's maple bacon cheesecake adds syrup and bacon bits to plain cheesecake, turning liquid in the mouth but balanced, earning double sevens out of 10.
Chick-fil-A's two hacks include buffalo chicken mac and cheese mix or a viral bowl with waffle fries, nuggets, mac and cheese, and sauces; the buffalo version is preferred for acidity, rating 6.5-7.
Starbucks' viral cookie caramel frappuccino tastes like a sweet milkshake without coffee notes, subpar as coffee but tasty, nearly a seven out of 10.
Sonic's Purple Sprite drink mixes Sprite, Powerade, cranberry, and lemon, tasting like fruit punch; extreme tots with chili and jalapenos are decent but the tots win, rating low six out of 10.
Whataburger's honey butter chicken biscuit hack after breakfast uses barbecue chicken sandwich with honey butter; it tastes burnt and unseasoned, low rating.
Many chains like Freddy's, Raising Cane's, KFC, and others have no secret menus or notable hacks, leading to disqualification.
Arby's Meat Mountain stacks all meats with cheeses, nearly a pound, flavorful but salty without au jus; rates a perfect seven, new leader.
Zaxby's Big Snack Attack assembles chicken strips, sauces on fries; becomes soggy and salty, low rating.
Del Taco's Stoner Burrito includes fries and white sauce in a bean and cheese burrito; soggy but top-tier for fast food, 7.7 out of 10.
Rally's funnel cake fry cheesecake sundae combines fries with sundae; better separate, rates 5.3 out of 10.
Shake Shack's frozen custard on toasted potato bun provides balanced sweet crunch, rates highly as a dessert hack.
Chicken Express' serendipity-seasoned gravy for tenders improves it slightly, overall 5.9 out of 10.
Popeyes' Sweet Heat Chicken Mac mixes nuggets, sauce, mac, ranch, and Cajun seasoning; mac and seasoning shine but chicken drags it to 5.2 out of 10.
Wendy's Barnyard Burger adds chicken patty to bacon cheeseburger; unseasoned and bland, low rating.
Taco Bell's Superman Burrito loads cheesy double beef with extras, grilled; moist but mid, regretful after second bite.
Burger King's Rodeo recreation with onion rings and jalapenos still tastes off, unanimous three out of 10.
Dairy Queen's Banana Split Blizzard swirls split ingredients into ice cream; delicious but runny, 7-7.5 out of 10.
Culver's chili-cheese curd-jalapeno mash is balanced and crunchy if eaten fast, high rating above average.
In-N-Out's animal style double-double is consistently good but not exceptional, seven to eight out of 10.
Long John Silver's Crumblies are crispy fried batter bits for dipping, adding texture and flavor to fish, new leader with high rating.
Jollibee's chicken skin adobo rice sandwich wraps skin, potatoes, rice, and chicken; fun but not revolutionary, lower rating due to non-spicy version.
Overall, secret items redeem some chains, with Long John Silver's Crumblies as the clear winner.

IDEAS

Substituting cauliflower for chicken at Dave's Hot Chicken creates a plant-based crunch that outperforms their standard meat option.
Naming a McDonald's hack the "Mc Gang Bang" highlights how internet slang influences fast food customizations, blending chicken and beef awkwardly.
A viral accident at Bojangles—pimento cheese on a biscuit—shows how mishaps can spark nationwide trends adaptable across regions.
Jack in the Box's cheesecake with maple and bacon transforms a basic dessert into a surprisingly balanced sweet-savory hybrid.
Mixing sauces and sides into "slop bowls" at Chick-fil-A and Popeyes reveals a trend toward customizable, mushy comfort foods for quick satisfaction.
Starbucks' viral drinks prioritize sweetness over coffee essence, turning beverages into dessert-like indulgences that mask the base flavor.
Sonic's Purple Sprite demonstrates how mixing sodas and juices can yield an unexpectedly palatable fruit punch without clashing notes.
Whataburger's post-breakfast hack for honey butter biscuits underscores the frustration of time-limited items and workarounds using substitutes.
Arby's Meat Mountain piles every meat into one sandwich, proving that excess can create a flavorful, glue-like harmony with cheese.
Del Taco's Stoner Burrito hack thrives on stoner culture's love for loaded, greasy comfort, elevated by secret white sauce.
Shake Shack's ice cream bun sandwich innovates by caramelizing a potato roll to mimic creme brulee alongside custard.
Culver's chili with cheese curds and jalapenos balances richness with acidity, turning simple components into a superior whole.
In-N-Out's animal style enhances familiar items with toppings, but nostalgia drives appeal more than innovation.
Long John Silver's Crumblies repurpose waste batter into addictive, umami-packed crunch, questioning why it's not standard.
Jollibee's skin wrap efficiently combines elements already enjoyed separately, optimizing the eating experience without true secrecy.

INSIGHTS

Secret menus empower customers to bypass standard disappointments, revealing that creativity in assembly often elevates mediocre base ingredients through balance and texture.
Internet virality transforms accidental errors, like Bojangles' biscuit mishap, into accessible hacks, democratizing innovation across unavailable regions.
Overloading sandwiches with proteins, as in Arby's Meat Mountain, succeeds when cheese binds flavors, but excess bread or unseasoned elements dilute impact.
Plant-based swaps, like Dave's cauliflower, highlight how crunch and sauce can redeem chains criticized for poor meat quality.
Dessert hacks at places like Jack in the Box show that fast food shines in simple combinations of sweet, salty, and crunchy when ratios align.
"Slop bowls" at Chick-fil-A and similar spots prioritize addictive mashups over refinement, appealing to impulse but risking textural mush.
Beverage mixes like Sonic's Purple Sprite prove that bold combinations can surprise positively if acidity and sweetness harmonize.
Time-restricted items, such as Whataburger's biscuit, inspire hacks that extend enjoyment, but substitutions often compromise authenticity.
Repurposing "waste" like Long John Silver's Crumblies turns overlooked elements into stars, suggesting fast food undervalues textural gems.
Viral names and TikTok trends amplify hacks, but execution varies by location, emphasizing the role of staff familiarity in success.
Grilled or pressed modifications, as in Taco Bell's Superman Burrito, enhance moisture but can soggy crisp elements if overdone.
Nostalgia sustains appeal for classics like In-N-Out's animal style, but secret items must exceed familiarity to truly redeem a chain.
Regional limitations, like Jollibee's spicy shortage, reveal supply vulnerabilities that hacks must adapt to for consistent quality.

QUOTES

"Their chicken has never been good to me, so let's see how the cauliflower does."
"Who named this man? Well, I could help you. Hi. Sorry. I don't know if y'all even serve this anymore. Do y'all serve the Mc Gang Bang?"
"It's almost like if you took a nice crunchy bite and diluted it with water."
"At the end of the day, cooking and food is about ratios and combinations, and it's working."
"There's a bad aftertaste, so you go back for more so that you lose that aftertaste. So, you order a trend of these and you're done."
"I can't tell if Burger King was always bad and I just didn't know it when I was a kid or if it has just gotten worse over time."
"The texture is phenomenal. Perfectly crunchy. Indescribable."
"I wish it was spicy. I was skeptical about how this was going to turn out."
"They deserve a six just for that... for the first time, I'm like, 'Hey, this isn't bad. I don't want to throw up when I eat this.'"

HABITS

Systematically visiting the same disappointing location repeatedly in hopes of improvement, as with Dave's Hot Chicken.
Assembling side items like fries, sauces, and bites into custom bowls for balanced flavors before tasting.
Rating food collaboratively on a 1-10 scale after shared bites to compare experiences objectively.
Substituting unavailable ingredients, such as American cheese for pimento, to approximate viral hacks.
Seeking staff confirmation and upsells during orders to ensure accuracy and enhance the meal.
Mixing drinks from multiple bases like sodas and juices to create refreshing, non-alcoholic alternatives.
Dipping proteins into repurposed seasonings or batters to boost texture and umami without altering core recipes.

FACTS

Dave's Hot Chicken cauliflower hack avoids their consistently poor chicken, using plant-based bites for a 6.7 rating.
McDonald's Mc Gang Bang originated as an internet creation, now semi-recognized by staff at some locations.
Bojangles' pimento cheese biscuit went viral in 2021 from a South Carolina reporter's accidental order.
Arby's Meat Mountain weighs nearly a pound (320g) with eight meats and two cheeses, available via system order.
Del Taco's white sauce is reportedly just mayo and lime juice, key to the Stoner Burrito's appeal.
Long John Silver's Crumblies are fried batter scraps many locations discard, but they add exceptional crunch.
Jollibee's spicy chicken can run out mid-week, forcing adaptations like non-spicy versions for hacks.

REFERENCES

Joshua Weissman's cookbook: "Texture Over Taste" available at bit.ly/TextureOverTaste.
Additional cookbook options for other stores and international: bit.ly/WeissmanCookbook.
Sponsor: Cometeer coffee pods, sourced from top roasters, flash-frozen, endorsed by barista champions including James Hoffman; $20 off at cometeer.com/joshua.
Social media: Instagram /joshuaweissman, TikTok /flakeysalt, Twitter /therealweissman, Facebook /thejoshuaweissman.
Viral TikTok trends and Reddit discussions on fast food hacks like Stoner Burrito and Purple Sprite.
News reporter Mike Uva's 2021 tweet sparking Bojangles' biscuit trend.
Former Nespresso president invested in Cometeer after taste test.
Collaborator Kevin from How Kev Eats for Del Taco and Rally's segments.
Friends at Jolly mentioning Shake Shack custard bun customization.

HOW TO APPLY

Identify a chain's weak spot, like poor chicken, and swap with available plant-based alternatives like cauliflower bites for crunch.
For sandwiches, layer proteins between unexpected buns, such as chicken in a burger, but monitor bread-to-filling ratio to avoid dilution.
Adapt viral accidents by substituting unavailable items, like cheese types, and apply icing or sauces both inside and out for moisture.
Enhance desserts with savory add-ins: drizzle syrup and sprinkle bacon on cheesecake, ensuring it melts evenly for balance.
Create slop bowls by ordering nuggets, mac and cheese, fries, and multiple sauces in a separate container, then mix for customized acidity and sweetness.
For meat-heavy stacks, confirm all menu proteins are included via system, and request au jus on the side to lubricate without overpowering salt.
Repurpose batter scraps or seasonings: dip fried items into crumblies or seasoned gravy to amplify texture and flavor depth.
Press and grill loaded burritos with extras like potatoes and guac to meld textures, but eat immediately to preserve crisp elements.

ONE-SENTENCE TAKEAWAY

Secret fast food hacks often redeem chains through clever assemblies, with Long John Silver's Crumblies emerging as the top innovative delight.

RECOMMENDATIONS

Prioritize texture-focused hacks like crumblies or animal style to elevate bland fast food bases.
Always request au jus or extra sauces for meat stacks to balance dryness and saltiness.
Mix bowls with acidity from buffalo or jalapenos to cut richness in cheesy combinations.
Seek staff willingness before complex orders; familiar chains like Arby's execute secret items best.
Adapt unavailable spices by substituting, but test small to avoid flavor clashes.
For desserts, toast buns or add crunch to ice cream for creme brulee-like surprises.
Explore regional Reddit hacks like Stoner Burritos when official menus lack creativity.
Rate collaboratively with a partner to refine personal preferences in customizations.
Avoid over-grilling soggy-prone items; opt for separate dipping to maintain crispness.

MEMO

In a year of sampling over 200 fast food items across America, chef Joshua Weissman found most chains underwhelming, their offerings a parade of regret. Yet hope flickered in the shadows of secret menus—those whispered customizations born from official lists or internet ingenuity. Teaming with Chef Christian, Weissman embarks on a cross-country quest to taste every major hack, from stacked meats to slop bowls, aiming to crown a redeemer amid the grease.

Their odyssey kicks off at Dave's Hot Chicken, a perennial disappointment for its subpar tenders. Ditching meat for a plant-based twist, they assemble fries, mac and cheese, cauliflower bites, pickles, and signature sauce. The result? A crunchy exterior masking bland, watery interiors—decent at 6.7, a step up but no revelation. McDonald's follows with the infamously named Mc Gang Bang, a spicy chicken patty wedged into a McDouble's buns. Excess bread muddles flavors, salvaged only by heat, scraping a middling five. At Bojangles, a viral 2021 mishap inspires a berry chicken biscuit slathered in icing and cheese; the blueberries charm, but dairy sours it.

Innovation sparks at Jack in the Box, where plain cheesecake meets maple syrup and bacon bits, yielding a liquidy yet harmonious sweet-savory treat—double sevens, a rare win. Chick-fil-A's dueling bowls pit buffalo-spiced mac against a honey-barbecue mash; acidity edges out the former at 6.5-7, addictive if unrefined. Starbucks' cookie caramel frappe masquerades as coffee but delivers milkshake sweetness, nearly seven but coffee-deficient. Sonic's Purple Sprite surprises as fruity punch, while chili-topped tots earn a humble six—tolerable amid past horrors.

Arby's Meat Mountain, a pound of every meat glued by cheese, asserts savory dominance at a perfect seven, sans au jus for lubrication. Whataburger's honey butter hack falters with burnt toast and bland chicken, a Texas letdown. Disqualifying barren chains like KFC and Wienerschnitzel, they press on. Del Taco's Stoner Burrito, fries-laden with mayo-lime sauce, hits 7.7—stoner paradise despite sogginess. Culver's chili-cheese curd-jalapeno mash balances crunch and spice, soaring above average.

In-N-Out's animal style double-double holds steady at seven-plus, nostalgic reliability without flair. Long John Silver's Crumblies—crispy batter gems—transform fish into umami perfection, claiming leadership. Jollibee's skin-wrapped adobo, sans spice, streamlines joy but rates lower. Ultimately, these secrets illuminate fast food's potential: clever ratios redeem the routine, with Silver's overlooked crunch reigning supreme.